No I.D Required

December 8, 2008 at 12:17 am | Posted in Life | 2 Comments
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Yesterday I was talking to my boyfriend on msn (his chosen method of communication) about sneaking into an overage gig. I had it all planned out. Make-up, cleavage enhancing clothes and if all else fails , a dodgy I.D.

All good.

And then he said to me “just  wear old clothes. And cover your face. You don’t look 18″

My immediate thought was something along the lines of “fuck you.” At least I was going out and having a life to some degree instead of sitting on my arse playing halo.

Perhaps I am being too harsh sine 90% of guys are emotional retards and of the remaining ten per cent, most of them are probably gay.  But honestly. At least I don’t have a jew-fro.

So I went to the shops in an extremely crappy mood, doubting whether I should even bother anymore, when I couple of P-platers on an old bomb drove past, honked their horn and gave me the thumbs up. I know that they do that to everyone female under the age of 40, but it was extremely satisfying to know it would really piss my boyfriend off.

I actually got into the gig WITHOUT being asked for I.D. Funny considering I looked about 17 and 3 months old at best.

A Spot Of Bother

September 13, 2008 at 6:22 am | Posted in Life | 1 Comment
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My Aunty and my Grandpa have never been the best of friends. Nor do I blame them, really. You see, my grandpa was, and may still be, a bit of prick, especially when it comes to family matters. Unfortunately though, my aunty isn’t much better.

My grandpa has a new girlfriend, Lady Penelope.  She’s a nice enough lady, tall, blonde and English. She does act like she has a steel rod up her rectum, but we realized that that could be cured by a few too many wines. Overall she seems pretty nice, a bit on the snobby side perhaps and she does have an entire goldmine dripping off her arms, but he’s had worse.

Last week they both came over for tea. Over dinner they announced that they would be getting married in April. I don’t know how long it will last. They’ve only been together for 6 months and my grandpa is far from honest. I’m waiting for the day when the truth comes crashing down on him, because he does deserve it.

Anyway, my dad got an angry phone call from my aunty last night. We haven’t seen her in months. She hasn’t even called her own mother. The reason for the call: my grandpa’s possible marriage and how she might not get inheritance if it goes ahead.

It’s good to see she cares about her dad so much.

I’ll keep you posted on any developments.

But I’m An Artist…

August 12, 2008 at 7:40 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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I was at my aunties house for lunch and was quite intrguied by her toilet paper.

It had pictures of dolphins and seaweed on it. Not that there’s anything wrong with that but it made me realize that somebody would have actually had to draw it. Imagine drawing something only to have people wipe their arses with it.

Imagine if that was your job.

“so, what do you do for a living?”

“I draw the picters on toilet paper”

I don’t understand why toilet paper needs pictures either.

While we’re on the subject of toilet paper, my mum used to buy scented toilet paper. I don’t know if you can still buy it, but it was pretty pointless. It made the bathroom smell like stale air freshener and it isn’t like your arse has a nose either.

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